Last day of 42
Happy 43rd birthday Jess. So, today was my last day as a 42 year old. The older I get, the harder it is to remember that I'm getting older and how old I actually am. I still think I'm in my early 20s, and my mom is in her early 40s.... Hard to imagine for someone to actually think like that at this age. I don't feel like this is a normal way of thinking or feeling. Mentally and emotionally, I seem to have stalled in growing with my age. So, I sink mentally into a deep and dark hole. I just haven't been able to crawl out of in decades. I have felt stuck since I accomplished my goal as a young adult. And, that was to graduate college. To start and finish something like that fed my motivation for all those years. Since then, I've been frozen. Frozen in fear, depression, anxiety. I didn't realize I was so stuck until this past few years, talking to my therapist. I guess I haven't grown because of the abuse that happened to me as a young child. I didn't rea...